Zugzwang
by CallMeKatOCQueen
Summary: Zugzwang (n.) a situation where every possible move or decision is a bad one, or one that will result in damage or loss / If asked, Kate Fayre would say she made the best decision she could, when in reality she made a series of really very bad decisions.
1. Introduction

Zugzwang (n.) a situation where every possible move or decision is a bad one, or one that will result in damage or loss

If asked, Kate Fayre would say she made the best decision she could, when in reality she made a series of really very bad decisions.

Kate had options. All of them, except for one, offered literally everything besides accepting the black card from the creepy guy and then landing herself in a torture basement.

She _literally_ could have done anything else.

When confronted with the news of her genetic disorder at her wedding causing her fiancé to flee the altar she could have made a number of choices.

Kate could have leaned on her family and friends for support, she could have slandered his name on social media, she could have realized she deserved better than him, and or she could have hooked up with a queer woman who would treat her better.

Kate Fayre did none of those things, nope, Kate desperately searched for a cure so she could win her fiancé back, much to the chagrin of her feminist icons (earning herself the name Manic Pixie Dream Girl).

Goddamit Kate Fayre.


	2. Chapter 1 Daffodil Daydream Ride

Kate Fayre

ooo

Absentmindedly Kate Fayre observes as her red clad partner fumbles in the backseat of a cab alongside herself.

Deadpool takes a pamphlet for 'Haunted Segway Tours', passes it to her, she nods in approval, and he takes it back, folding it up and pocketing it for later.

He then reaches over and plays with Kate's window while she waves her hand outside in the air. Deadpool leans back and sighs, bored and let down by his usually chatty partner. Wade looks up and puts his finger in some gum on the ceiling while Kate makes a grossed out face.

"Oh Wade," she chides, her voice quiet to keep the peaceful mood of the cab ride. Wade nods and tries to shake the gum off but it sticks between his fingers. Wade flicks it off and it sails through the air, landing itself right on the camera much to the chagrin of both mercenaries. "Ugh wipe it off," Kate groans and Wade leans forward over her lap to smear it off the lens.

Bored, Kate midges Deadpool's right leg with her foot and he lightly kicks her back. The situation quickly devolves into a misguided game of footsie and then a tickle fight. Of course it's all fun and games until Wade gets kicked in the face. They both hiss and tilt away from each other, both wearing guilty expressions like two teens that had been groping each other on the bus.

Suddenly, Deadpool sticks his head up front causing the cab driver to jolt in shock.

"Kinda lonesome back here," Deadpool starts and Kate huffs.

"What am I chopped liver?"

"Real original line," Deadpool quips. "And yes you're boring when the author can't think of anything funny for you to say." Kate gawks at Wade as he starts climbing up into the passenger seat, grunting and squirming as he goes.

Kate rolls her eyes and smacks her partners ass playfully. She can appreciate all his comedy.

"Careful you're a little close to my off switch," he giggles and then locks eyes with the camera mouthing 'foreshadowing'. He then turns to the driver and grapples himself forward. "Little help?"

"Sir, I have to keep my hands on the wheel," he replies shakily and wavers away from Wade's reach.

"Excuse me," Wade squeaks and promptly pops into the front seat, momentarily tea bagging the camera. Kate leans forward and places her head right in between the driver and insufferable passenger.

"Dopinder," the cabbie says and extends his hand.

"Pool. Dead," Wade states and takes his hand but doesn't shake it.

"Dream Girl. Manic Pixie," Kate adds herself and puts her hand in over top the other two. Together her and Deadpool shake the confused cabbie's hand. "Best kind a three way in my opinion is a solid hand shake threesome."

"You have clearly never been in a threesome before," Wade remarks and Kate nods.

Deadpool notices a picture of a woman on Dopinder's dashboard and hums his praise.

"Mmm. Nice."

"Smells good, no?" Dopinder says in reference to the car scent he has hanging up.

"Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl," Wade corrects.

"Ah, yes. Gita. She is quite lovely. She would have made me a very agreeable wife, but, um… Gita's heart has been stolen by my cousin Bantu. He is as dishonorable as he is attractive," Dopinder grumbles and it hits Wade right in his soft spot.

"Dopinder, I'm starting to think there's a reason we're in this cab today."

"Yes, sir, you called for it, remember?" Dopinder replies, clearly confused.

"No, my slender, brown friend. Love is a beautiful thing. When you find it, the whole world tastes like Daffodil Daydream," Wade muses nostalgically and Dopinder hums in agreement. "So you gotta hold onto love. Tight!" Deadpool makes a fist and hold outs his pinky, Dopinder copies him and clasp their pinkies together. "And never let go. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Got it?" Wade squeezes the poor tony mans pinky until Dopinder hastily agrees.

The pinky clasp is Wade's signature move when he meets someone new, someone that'll be important in his life.

"Yes!" Wade releases the poor man and leans his head on the window very melodramatically.

"Sometimes you gotta hold on to love and pretend a pair of handcuffs is a fun friendship bracelet," Kate muses.

"Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga."

"Ugh," Kate groans and sticks her tongue out at the thought.

"Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like?" Dopinder queries, so innocently it nearly makes Kate gag.

"Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss," Wade starts and Kate moves to plug her ears before he starts listing. Dopinder winces and his expression twists in disgust at the mental image Wade is painting.

"Oh, stop!" Dopinder murmurs, cutting him off.

"I can go all day, Dopinder. The point is, it's bad."

"It's bad," Dopinder utters and squints somberly.

"Real bad," Kate concurs, unsure of a joke to make.

"Uh, why the fancy red suits Mr. Pool and Ms. Dream Girl?" Dopinder asks after a moment of quietness, verging on awkward.

"Oh, that's because it's Christmas Day, Dopinder. And we're after someone on out naughty list. We've been waiting one year, three weeks, six days, and oh…" He checks his Adventure Time watch before finishing with an exact minute. "Fourteen minutes to make him fix what he did to us."

"And what did he do to you?"

"Basic torture stuff, lies and that sort of thing. Most of my scars are internal and a few external by they're cleverly concealed," Kate answers lazily, barely caring about her tone. Kate was more fortunate than Wade but even still she didn't escape intact.

"A-and what exactly did he do to you Mr. Pool?" Dopinder stammers, worries about the answer to his question.

"This shit," Deadpool spits out and lifts up his mask, revealing his horribly scarred face. "Boo!"

"The horror!" Kate gasps in sardonic terror. "Hide your women and children!"

"Not bad Dream Girl, you're catching on! Soon you'll be cracking jokes as well as you crack whips!"


End file.
